Diary Of A Gonzophile

[ Monday, September 13, 2004 ]

The End......

So this is going to (most likely) be my last post on this blog, I just dont seem to have the motivation to continue this one (although I do have one or two others that noone I know seems to know about). I cant even remember why I started it, actually, but essentially it turned into a way to bitch about crap. Problem is, I'm actually enjoying life quite a bit at the moment, so it seems a bit pointless to have to try really hard to think about shit things.

I had an idea about possibly deleting everything and turning it all into a political blog, but along the lines of putting current political and world events into the contexts of ancient myths and legends (eg. just imagine how much fun could be had comparing the 2004 elections to the epic of Gilgamesh. Trust me, it can be done!)

Otherwise, I'll just never post on this one again, either way.

Anyway, see you all for the last time, I'm going off to the real world where I can have real fun.

Benjamin [7:38 PM]

[ Wednesday, August 25, 2004 ]

We have goblets.....cool

Sorry, just noticed that we have 4 goblets, blue ones with beige bases, they look kind of cool. I notice them about once every few months, and since I've forgotten about the last time I noticed them, I think "cool!". I'm more of a flagon man, myself. But goblets will do in a pinch.

My entire family, sans me, has gone down south to my Aunty Jackie's wedding. As much as it pains me to admit, I'm so glad I'm not there. Dont get me wrong, Aunty Jackie is pretty cool, I like her more than most of my other relatives, but there are two VERY good reasons not to be going -

1. The minor reason is that I would be stuck in a car with my brother and sister. For 10+ hours. Let me point out, and I'm sure Liz will back me up on this with first hand experience - when stuck in a reasonably large HOUSE the fighting and bickering between us Warren siblings never stops. I mean never. And its normally at a volume that most people would find damaging to the ear drums (we have big lungs.) Now, condense that down to all of us sitting in a Hyundai (not even the Holden, dammnit!) for 10+ hours. Ok, you see my point now.

2. My aunties kids are absolute little shits. Let me go through the honour role:

Natalie (the oldest) - Is the only human being I have ever met that can make my sister (Genghis Khan) look like an amateur. The whole 5 or 6 years that I've known her (long story involving my mother being adopted, etc.), she has done nothing but lie, cheat, steal and generally fuck up peoples lives. That may sound pretty standard, but this girl actually sits down and plots all this stuff, I saw her diary once. Its fucking scary shit. Kind of like Machievelli mixed with a little bit of Ted Bundy.

Teneale (the middle) - Actually, i dont mind Teneale, but theres one problem - she likes to fight. A lot. And when I say fight, I dont mean fight like my siblings, yelling and stuff. And I dont mean girly fighting either. I mean she constantly (at least once a week), walks up to people that have pissed her off, decks them, and then gets suspended. It should be pretty interested seeing how her and Genghis get along. My theory is that it started as the old "you should fight back against bullies" thing, and turned into her being an anti-bully chopper reid of sorts.

Emily (the youngest) - I haven't seen her since she was like 3 or so, but already she was turning out like a spoiled little shit, so I can only guess what its like now.

Luckily my mum had told my auntie that me and my brother wouldn't be coming, that we had to work. The only reason Luke ended up going was because he heard the words "Open Bar".

So anyway, I've got the house to myself for the week. And unlike during the nefarious days of my youth, I'm not planning an orgiastic meeting of biblical proportions (note to self - see if there is any orgy references in bible), or even a decent sized party. Liz is coming up Friday night so we'll have most of the weekend together, and plus on saturday night I'll see if Ben Boy or anyone wants to come over for a few quite drinks.

I'm quite industrious when I'm the only one here. I only woke up like an hour ago and have already scrubbed the house from top to bottom, its fucking spotless. Its only when other people are around to do the jobs that I'm all lazy and shit. But now I've realised that I've finished all the jobs I had to do, so there is nothing to do until like 2 when I go to work.

I was considering looking for porn, but firstly its too much trouble, and secondly I realised a long time ago that 99% of porn is shit, and the other 1% is in sites that I cant get into. Oh well. Yes, people, stop the presses, you heard it here first, I have given up on porn! I've been on an (almost) porn free diet for the last 6 months or so.

Not for any ethical reasons, or social reasons. Merely a recognition that there is so much bad porn out there, its really not worth my time wading through hours of dodginess (and germans) to get to something good.

Benjamin [5:50 PM]

[ Tuesday, August 17, 2004 ]

Blowing Up Giant Robots Is Cool

Yep, I've spent the last 2 days playing Mechwarrior 4, and I gotta say that despite the shitty voice acting, its actually pretty good. I really do expect more in the way of plot development though, everything happens at the start and after that its just a slow trip down the road of really crap Chuck Norris movies.

Apart from the lack of plot development (as opposed to the story itself, which is quite intriguing), there really is nothing like charging at something in a 90 ton robot with enough firepower to have even a remote chance of surviving a day in an LA high school.

Yes people, I'm a fucking computer geek. I dont mind, just as long as the games I play are halfway decent. Otherwise it kind of shits me. At the moment my favourites are Mechwarrior 4 (but that probably wont last the distance on the list); Medieval(and Shogun): Total War; Spartan; Patrician II; Morrowind; Hitman 1 and 2 (even though they were far too short which shit me); and a little bit of Freespace 2 action to whet my whistle.

This post I was planning on listing all the amusing (and obviously random generated) names that spam comes from, but in an unthinking moment I deleted all my email recycle bin. Now the only ones that are even vaguely interesting are "Kristine Guesswork" and "Dubugging D. Clewed". I'll be sure and collect all that I can find before my next post.

Oh, and I strongly recommend "Man On Fire" with Denzel Washington, I thought the story was a little cliched (and it was), of a bodyguard failing then going out for revenge, its been done before numerous times (just dont ask me in what), but this was nonetheless a fucking good movie, I'd put it in the top 5 for the year easily. It even had flashy editing and quick cuts, writing on the screen, that sort of thing, but for once it seemed to fit and it actually worked, rather than seeming like a graphic design undergrad on crack doing the editing.

What can I say about my life now?

I like it. I spend just about every weekend with Liz, and for some bizarre reason I always get very excited when I'm going to see her, and I always get all sad when I have to go home. This is what, like 7 months after we started going out? Goddamnit, I think she's a keeper! Tee hee.
Perhaps we have somehow stumbled on the key to a successful relationship - live at least 2 hours apart. Shit, we haven't even had a fight yet, or even come close to one, and thats remarkable!

I think I might be sick. Lately, the last week or two, I've had absolutely no energy to do anything whatsoever. And for anyone out there who knows real life Ben, you'd realise just how strange it is that I dont have energy. Normally I'm bouncing off the proverbial (and sometimes quite solid) walls, but all I want to do now is sleep.

Thats enough for now
Bye all

Benjamin [5:35 PM]

[ Tuesday, August 10, 2004 ]

Fucking Blogger

Ok, this is like the third time I'll try posting this, blogger keeps screwing up the formatting for some reason (true, its most likely my fault, but there you go)

I snagged it from Skippy's blog

I'm not entirely sure how appropriate it is, but thats up to you people to debate.

fire heart
Heart of Fire

What is Your Heart REALLY Made of?
brought to you by

Benjamin [3:38 AM]

[ Sunday, August 08, 2004 ]

My Weekend

I've got 2 things to blog about...about my weekend. Fuck, its only the first line and ALREADY my grammar has gone to shit.

Part the First

First of all, I'd like to point out how good of a boyfriend I am. I helped (granted, not much) move 2 houses, technically speaking, after an hour and a half sleep.

Liz is now living in her mum's place, and her mum has moved out (leaving them with THE swankiest pad you have ever seen. Theres a tennis court, spa's, all kinds of stuff), so after working until 3.30am, getting home at 4, sleeping for an hour or so, getting woken up by my sadistic father (he laughed when I mumbled "fuckoffandletmesleep", dammnit!), getting on a bus heaps early and heading down to Brisbane, I helped move Liz's mum out of her house, and helped move Liz in.

Actually I had a decent time of it, basically did nothing except some heavy lifting, and I was quite shocked that my dodgy wrist wasn't playing up on me for once.

So that took most of Saturday. Aren't I the best boyfriend in the world?

(this is where I wait for the applause)

(dammnit, applaud me people!)

Part the Second

So then Saturday night I head out with Nikki and Ralph to a TISM concert down in the valley, and had a mad old time.

The first support band seriously sucked arse (and unfortunatly we were trapped inside until after they were finished), and had the remarkable gimmick of peaking before they had even started.

Some dickhead in a poncho and sombrero got up and was yelling incomprehensible things in Spanish while scantily clad (or, in one case, overclad in a leather corset) young ladies danced like they were in a mid-60's video clip. Then the guy in the sombrero goes "People, let me introduce DJ Something or Other! (I cant remember his name)" so the DJ who was wearing a horribly tacky pink shirt and headband yells "MAKE SOME NOISE!".

*Cue tumbleweeds rolling across stage, crickets chirping randomly, some polite coughing heard*

I had to restrain myself from laughing like a speed freak in a spongebob squarepants convention, because the place had gone so quiet that if I laughed they all would have looked at me. Normally I'm all for making a public spectacle of myself, but not in relation to a shitty band.

They actually wouldn't have been that bad, if it was on a cd. But live - it was fucking unbearable.

The second band I quite liked, it was this Ska band who I've never heard of, and their lead singer was a fat hairy tatooed guy wearing nothing but strategically placed cling-wrap.

Still, their set kicked arse, and I have to say they were quite charismatic as a whole.

Then TISM came on, and even though it wasn't quite the spectacular of debauchery and naked plastic kangaroo humping that it was last time I saw them up north, it was still a pretty decent show and I enjoyed myself thoroughly.

Anyhow, I have nothing else to talk about.

I think.

Dont you hate it how you spend all night at work having brainstorms of what to blog about, then you get home, plonk your arse on the comfy chair and every single idea goes WHOOMP straight out of your head.

Fuck it.

Benjamin [1:21 PM]

[ Wednesday, August 04, 2004 ]

THE Stupidest Story Ever (Coke came out of my nose)

I was on my way home in the car with my dad an hour or so ago, listening to Triple J, when the news came on. This is a paraphrased version of the top story (must be a slow news day) (its paraphrased because I'm going from memory cause I cant find a transcript of it yet):

"A Byron Bay man is in hospital today after an argument with a shark over a fish.
The man had dived under the water to spear a fish when...I'll let *insert name of policeman here* tell you what happened next"

(cop sounding all official and everything, even though you can tell he was almost wetting himself)

"This individual speared a fish, which was when the shark turned up. Apparently the man and the shark fought for several minutes over posession of the fish -
The shark won."

"The man is recovering in hospital tonight with puncture wounds, but he is in a stable condition."

Now tell me people, does this man deserve an honourable mention from the Darwin Award people or what?

I can just imagine the shark getting back home and saying to its buddy "....but you should see the other guy!" while showing off its bruises.

Benjamin [12:51 AM]

[ Monday, August 02, 2004 ]

Tax Time, Huzzah!

I'm perhaps the only person on the planet who actually enjoys tax time (not counting fetishistic accountants who regularly go wild at office christmas parties by photocopying their drivers license...trust me, it happens, and its very sad) because I love getting my tax return.

Sure, it was my damn money in the first place and they are simply giving me back a small proportion of it, but what the hell. Personally I have no problem with paying exorbident amounts of tax (ok, it does shit me from time to time) as long as I know I can walk into any hospital in Queensland with, for example, a frying pan lodged in my medula oblongata, and they will remove it (after sitting in the waiting room for a while) absolutely free of charge.

Yes, socialised medicine IS good. That is, if you are a dodgy bastard like me who would rather rely on the shaky but free public health system instead of paying a small amount per week for top rate private cover. Jesus christ, I just realised that Queensland is Cuba with Kangaroos and lots of japanese tourists.

Anyhow, thats getting away from the point.

I got my tax return back, and it was quite a nifty amount, so me and Liz went on a spending spree at Indooroopily this weekend. Apart from lots of computer goodies, and also getting a boxed set of the Soprano's first season for my parents (they are obsessed with it), my favourite purchases are thus:

Books - yet again. I bought Peace Kills: America's Fun New Imperialism by P.J. O'Rourke, the foriegn affairs staffer for Rolling Stone. I actually quite like it, and he's moved into the category of "haven't read much by him but what I've seen in hilarious so its all good".
The guy is somewhat right leaning, which is strange for me to read, but he seems like the kind of funny hypocritical conservative who says "We need tougher sentencing and more police and more executions....who stole my crack pipe?"

I also got a big old book called Genghis Khan: Life, Death & Resurrection by John Man, and its all about going to Mongolia today and seeing how old mate Temujin has affected things 800 years down the track. It was a toss up over what I wanted more, this or The Persian Expedition by Xenophon, but I sat quietly and thought through it logically, and realised that with the Genghis book there was ALSO the possibility of taunting my sister, Genghis.

Oh, and I got lots of cool new clothes too, and apparently I look all fashionable and metrosexual now. Apparently I'm rather sexy in my new woollen jumper thingy. But dont tell anyone.
Benjamin [7:32 PM]

Farenheit 9/11 Blows Goats

Yes people, that is my honest opinion. Although, strangely enough, for the exact opposite of the reasons that I thought it would blow goats.

You see, we (ie. me, Liz, Nikki, Dawbs and Ralph) went to see it on Friday night after a few drinks, and the whole time before it started I was thinking "This is going to suck, it'll be another Bowling For Columbine with snazzy presentation but terrible fact checking, etc."

But oh no, about halfway through Farenheit 9/11 I realised that the actual content wasn't too bad (not particularly inspiring either, it must be said), but it was the PRESENTATION that was dodgy as! (For those of you who dont understand Australian grammar, please dont ask me "dodgy as WHAT?!?!?!")

Thats right, for once I was actually wishing there was more bells and whistles, as it were. Some very few bits of it were slick and well done, but the remainder kind of made me think that the editors were sitting around eating tim tams and getting stoned then suddenly realised "Shit, we have to release it tommorow" and then tried to do the film equivilant of cramming for an exam.

Eh, it shit me, thats all I can really say. It was a good night though, so I suppose thats something.
Benjamin [7:22 PM]

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